Koreans Sometimes Don't Take Friendships Seriously

About 6-7 years ago, I met a Korean American friend at church. I will call him John since I'd rather not use his real name to protect his identity. Through him I met his Korean friend Jack (also a fictional name). I'm very good friends with John and I've hung out with him for many years. We've had lunch together numerous times and gone out for coffee on a lot of occasions. He would move back and forth to Philadelphia and then move back to Seoul. He has done that numerous times (Philly is his hometown yet he loves Seoul and can't decide on where to live permanently).

Two months ago, John came to Seoul and I saw him at church. We also had dinner together one other time. I saw him at least two times during the trip but didn't see Jack despite John hanging out with him a couple of times. When I first met Jack, I asked him if he wanted to hang out with him a couple of times, but he said he was busy, so I never pursued the friendship seriously. In total, I've only hung out with Jack once in the 6-7 years that I've known him. We had been Facebook friends and that was the extent of it. On the other hand, John and I are good friends, hang out often, and even send text messages to each other when he's in Philly and I'm in Seoul.

Three years ago, Jack called me and asked me for help about something. I believe that I helped him, but I can't remember exactly. Since then, Jack might "like" a post here and there on Facebook and I do the same. Just recently I "liked" his profile picture of him, his wife, and his daughter. (Sidenote: I've never met his wife or his daughter).

Two days ago, Jack called me at 3:30pm on a Wednesday, but I was taking a nap between my morning and evening shifts at work. I thought to myself, "He must need help with something. What other reason would he call me?" He called again at 5:30pm. However, I didn't realize it since I was walking to my workplace. When I got to my workplace, I texted him and said "What's up Jack? I was taking a nap and missed your first call and now I'm at work." He responds, "I see. I was thinking that (sic) moving to US to become a UMC pastor. I need to write a cover letter and get a script of 20 min (sic) sermon that is simple and powerful. If I send my resume, can you write a cover letter for me? If you can't, it is okay. But I ask you to pray for that." 

I shook my head in disbelief. I really don't understand people like that. I barely know this guy,  we've hung out once with my friend John, and don't know his wife. How can a very distant acquaintance ask for such a huge favor? He's also going to the US, so I'll probably never ever see him once he leaves. And he had the audacity to call me a second time an hour later after I missed the first call. Am I supposed to just answer just because he's my friend's friend? He can't actually think that we are good friends or does he? What I'm guessing is that because I'm a nice guy, he figured I would be there no matter what.

Then a thought came to my mind. This is common in Korean culture. I have a Korean friend who lives in Australia. The only time he contacts me is when he needs help with his resume or cover letter. Recently he contacted me and I figured that he needed help again. Sure enough. He was worried because an American female friend that we mutually know from church was annoyed with him. Apparently she was ignoring his text messages and he called to find out why. They used to have a language exchange together and we all used to hang out together after church and have coffee. I told him that the reason she is ignoring his texts is that maybe he only contacted her when he needed help. He said it was common in Korean culture to help a friend in need at any time. I said that in Western culture if you don't contact friends just to see how they're doing and only contact them when you need something, it's a fake friendship. He seemed surprised when I told him that.

Yet this is also common in wedding culture in Korea. I remember getting a wedding invitation from a friend that I hadn't heard from in three years. I also recall getting an invitation from a student that I had only taught twice. I've also gotten invitations from Korean friends and then after I attend their wedding, I never hear from them again. The goal of many Korean weddings is to get as many people as you can to your wedding to make up for the cost that you put into the wedding. That's a shallow concept and I don't get how relationships can be taken so lightly in Korean culture. That seems to be fairly common in Korea especially because the work culture is so intense. They don't have time to hang out with their friends and once they get married, friendships are put on the back burner.

Many of my friends aren't Korean for this reason. I'm an introvert, so I only treasure friends that I know are going to be reliable and trustworthy. To add to that, I'm getting older. When I first got a Facebook account, I added many people to my friend's list. Now I'm pretty happy to have weeded out people that I can't even call an acquaintance or people that used to be friends but don't keep in touch with me any more. My goal in 2019 is to send more texts or make more phone calls to my real friends and worry less about people that won't be there for me. 

Scott Worden (The L.A./Seoul Guy)

Instagram: l.a.seoulguy

God Knows What You're Going Through

Two weeks ago I sprained my left ankle coming out of a bathroom that had a high step. I forgot how high the step was to the platform outside the bathroom, so I fell down and rolled it. On top of that, it was the same ankle that I sprained two years ago as I was jogging down a hill. Due to that, I think this ankle has been healing at a slower rate.

Fast forward to two days ago. I was on my way to work at 6:00am (from Nakseongdae Station to Samseong Station on Line 2) and I had to stand because there weren't any seats available. One seat became available but it wasn't quite close enough to me and an older lady quickly took that seat. I was standing alone with my sore ankle and figured that if any seat opens up, I would be able to get it and rest my ankle. Once the subway stopped at Seocho Station, an older man in his late 60s stood next to me waiting for a seat. The subway continued to Kyodae Station and once it stopped there, the seat in front of me opened up. I really wanted to sit down because my ankle was aching a bit, but I couldn't sit and let the older man in his 60s stand, so I let him take the seat. But I was thinking, "Lord, my foot isn't feeling that good. Why can't I get a seat this morning?"

As Gangnam Station approached, an older man in his 50s who was sitting next to the older man in his 60s, got up and I immediately took that seat. What I didn't know is that he noticed that I had allowed the older man in his 60s to take my seat earlier and he seemed to appreciate it based on his body language. Then he asked me in Korean, "Which country are you from?" I said "USA". And he gave me a thumbs up sign and said "Good!" with a big smile on his face.

It made me realize that the Lord appreciated my gesture and he knew my pain. Don't ever think that God isn't watching out for you. He loves you and he knows everything you're going through. Don't ever forget that!

Scott Worden (The L.A./Seoul Guy)

Instagram: l.a.seoulguy